The Soulmate Or Twinflame Shankari
The New Age belief in a soulmate or twinflame is the belief that god made us whole and then split us apart into male/female manifestations. It is the belief that one can only be complete as a person if they find this perfect mate, the soulmate. I would like to openly question this belief system. The first idea is that god did not make us complete, and we are left to wander the earth looking for the perfect person to make us whole. When we find that person our lives will be blissful and heavenly. It’s quite a huge expectation to place upon one person. This unknown poor person must fulfill all the ego attachments that I have. I guess they would have to have lots of money, constantly pour praise upon me, be a knight in shining armor, and be great in bed too. All the while I don’t need to look inside myself or provide anything to cure what’s ailing me. That will be the duty of the soulmate. If he’s not here in this lifetime, then I must languish through this lifetime, but preferably not without a few sexual partners. We do seem to find ourselves incomplete or lacking. We find that we have so many needs and desires and they just cannot be filled. We want money, and cannot get enough of it. We want people to like us and praise us, and we just can’t get enough of that either. We want sex and we just can’t get enough of that as well. We are driven by these cravings and feel unfulfilled as a result of these cravings. We will never be fulfilled as long as we have these issues. We are victims of our own demons, and project these demons out onto the world preferably onto the unfortunate soul who we name as a “soulmate”. In other words, the inner problems are taken from the inside and projected onto the outside. We not only focus this on the outside, but also project this onto a mythological person called a soulmate. Because someone else can never cure our inner problems, we are constantly searching for this elusive beast, and never find him/her. It’s seductive to say that this other person can meet all my needs. Who wants to listen to some old ascetic talking about looking within to fulfill our needs? That’s too much work, and besides I won’t get any sex while I’m looking within either, or money, or praise or attention. The old ascetic’s advice is for free, but because we want someone to tell us what we want to hear, we’ll pay thousands of dollars listening to someone who will tell us what we want to hear instead of what we need to hear. Notice the New Age guru who goes through 7 husbands to finally find her soulmate only to divorce him as well. This craving cannot be filled. She rolled over 7 different lives searching for a myth only to find her inner turmoil remained. Another person would not lift her inner turmoil, because that turmoil lies within her—not outside of her. Notice no one questions why this love guru who speaks about soulmates had seven unsuccessful marriages. If this person were so adept at finding a soulmate, she would not have gone through seven different people to find him meanwhile destroying all seven people. I say question it. If your psychic or New Age guru has multiple marriages, he/she should NOT be talking about love. Obviously they have not mastered the technique very well. Do soulmates exist? Did god make us incomplete? I will tell you what an old ascetic told me. Our only soulmate is god. We are searching for that inner truth that can only be answered through a spiritual quest. We should not place this burden upon another person to fulfill. We need to be willing to take the hard lesson and understand that sometimes lessons are difficult and sometimes the old ascetic is right. Sometimes the person we are looking for is right in front of us. Divorcing another person to go on a fantastical journey to nowhere is ridiculous. Stay with that person and see what the problems are. Many times we will discover the problems are within. When we divorce people, the problems remain. They don’t go anywhere. Don’t try to take another person’s spouse away either. If you think that your soulmate is married to someone else, he/she is not your soulmate. Get a grip on your lust. (Now if you are being spousally abused, I would say leave right away without question.) Being alone is okay. It’s a time to listen to ourselves and find out who we really are. It’s okay to be an ascetic too. We don’t all have to be married or find fulfillment being sexual. Sometimes we focus so much on finding “true love” that we miss the chance to meditate in silence alone. When we are young we are so eager to satisfy our sexual desires that miss an opportunity to focus exclusively upon study, or upon finding out who we really are. We won’t be a really good partner unless we have taken that chance to step back, grow up, and reflect on who we really are. When we are old as well, and our spouses have passed on, we can take the time to develop ourselves and make peace with our own mortality. We need not continue to have cravings or attachments that we had when we were younger. At that point we need to be aware that our entire personality is about be deleted by death. We need to spend time contemplating that rather than struggling to stave off these reflections by searching for another sex partner.